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tonight was HOC dance competition.. didn't take part neither did i go down to support ): hall 4 peeps were really good this year! they came in 3rd in fact. reminds me of the days when i was still in hall dance. those 2 years were really terrible. it took so hard to recruit just 7 members. the 1st year we managed to participate in the closing but the 2nd year was worse. everyone just wanted to go for the workshop and nobody felt comfortable enough to go for the competition. but it really isn't my fault is it? what can i do about the lack of dance enthusiasts among the hall population?

who knows, hall 4 had such a great luck this year, after i left. 10 over dancers were easily recruited. am i going to be labelled as the non-competent leader? ): sigh. anyway i couldn't commit anymore since this is my final year in ntu and i should be studying hard. i know it seems like some kind of a lame excuse but i think time management differs from individual to individual right? i just don't think i can manage anymore ):

i feel like some kind of a jinx. when i was in contemp dance and hall dance, both were on their downsides. when i left both, they picked up. i didn't have the chance to enjoy glory of any sort. and thats something painful about my uni life.

i do miss dance quite a bit ): it kinda sucks that im stuck with schoolwork 24/7. nobody really believes i have exams 4 times a year. (i have a paper in less than a week's time) and then, i can't imagine to be in china 6 months from now. i wonder if i'll have a life there. truely wish i can fulfill either one of the two dreams of mine when i get there. dance, and travel. a teacher told us that people in this field can never have life, coz this field is their life. it's like a lifelong learning journey. if this sounds disgusting to you, then you probably don't have enough passion for it. its quite the case for me. not that i have no interest in this field, but i'm not happy that it's taking up so much of my life.. and not being able to focus on this field will lead to poor results. in the end, i feel im in the middle of nowhere. i have achieved nothing.

where will i be in 2 years time? i really wonder.

when will i have the time to dance again? ): im sick of feeling jealous over contemp and hall dance achievements. i miss my contemp dancers, i miss my ballet teacher. i hate it when my muscles start to stiffen up and degenerate from all the studying and dance-less life. i feel sick all over ):

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